Jake Paul to Face Julio Cesar Chavez Jr as Main Event on DAZN PPV, June 28

Oh boy, here we go again with another of those boxing hooplas that’s either gonna be an epic showdown or a total trainwreck. So hold onto your popcorn, folks, cuz DAZN and Most Valuable Promotions are pulling out the stops for what they’re calling a clash—yeah, that’s the way they put it—between Jake Paul, of YouTube and controversy fame, and Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. at the Honda Center in Anaheim on June 28th. Tuesday evening, in the middle of summer—it’s sweltering, the air smells of churros and sunscreen, and cars are honking on Disney Drive. Not sure why that sticks with me, but it does.

Now, Jake Paul—our self-proclaimed El Gallo De Dorado. I mean…isn’t that Spanish? I thought he was from Ohio or something. But he’s talking all big and loaded, saying stuff like, “every fight since has been a step towards becoming world champion,” which is pretty bold from a guy who started boxing about as long ago as I’ve been trying to keep plants alive in my apartment. And dude, apparently, thinks knocking out some folks makes him a hero. Cracks me up just thinking about it. And of all things, he’s dropping lines about making Chávez Sr. proud. Who knows what that even means.

Meanwhile, gliding in like a telenovela star, Chavez Jr. is purporting this is his chance, finally the right one at that. Sound bites? Oh, he’s got them. “Now everything is in the right place in my life—mentally and physically,” the introspective bit. Like, come on, isn’t that what they all say? Boxers have an incredible knack for dramatization. You know the drill, poor Jake is about to face an “unresolvable problem.” Makes it sound like a math test, doesn’t it?

Speaking of sagas, Paul’s been chasing that “I’m a real boxer now” image—though he’s like a chameleon in a boxing robe. Apparently he went medieval on the likes of Andre August and Ryan Bourland, before hauling his persona back over to the land of bewilderment. He even faced the relic of Tyson last November—yeah, Mike Tyson, if you can picture that. Ugliest smash-up I’ve heard of yet, but folks pay to watch grass grow, so…

And then there’s Chavez, who’s like somewhere where the tumbleweeds blow by with his 39 years of, uh, whatever’s left of box-fighting magic. Kinda sad, really, drifting and losing, with his latest semi-win being against none other than Uriah Hall…who, let’s face it, is also past his prime. It’s like watching two dinosaurs tussle over a cabbage leaf, except less exciting.

Now, don’t get too dizzy just yet; they’ve tossed a co-main bone our way. It’s Gilberto “Zurdo” Ramirez slamming back into the ring against a dude named Yuniel Dorticos. There’s a lot of boxing alphabet soup with titles and organizations yadda yadda. Dorticos once kicked ass in the World Boxing Super Series. And Ramirez? Well, he’s got a one-track mind: Be the best…or something like that. But Dorticos is no spring chicken either.

All in all, there’s something to hold your breath for, or maybe not. I doubt anyone knows how these matches will go till they do. Meanwhile, it’s gonna be one helluva summer evening. Popcorn already bought—I guess I’m ready.